a llama in the tree is worth 2 in the bush

you’v been in a coma for a few years

you have no legs

becuase youe ex wife cut them off

and also your balls

you have 3 kids

and you live in germany
you have aids

OH and porn is illegal

it got outlawed

and global warming has made penguins evolve to fly

and now penguins have replaced pigeons on the food chain

i shall call them penguigeons

and the plauge has returned

also scientists have brought dinosaurs back to life

but they took over north america and killed everyone

so now north america is a barren wasteland of dinosaurs

and tony abbot became a german citizen and is now the president of germany

and he outlawed cars, and everyone has to ride a bike around

oh and they discoverd a cure for aids

its death

and its against the law to be lazy

also your ex is angalina jeoli

and she’s dead now

so you need to support your 3 kids on your own

and your unemployed

also you own a cat

it has aids

and the doctors used your cat to test their cure for aids

so technicaly it “had” aids

but now its dead

oh and 2 of your kids have down syndrome

the other one has aids

and you got aids from a burger from macdonalds that had a bandaid in it

its called the mc lifefucker

it was a smashing success

it increased mcdonalds income 30%

and you have a tattoo on your forhead that says “the game”

and a new religion has made tattoo removal a sin

also your appartment is full of socks because of an elaborate prank by some highschool students

oh and they turded in all the socks

and two days before you got this coma you found the love of your life

she has aids

and she chose to get “cured” while you were out

also abbot decided that C.O.D is too violent and banned it from germany

also a technical difficalty at the airport has accidentaly put you on the no fly list perminantly

so you can never leave germany

and germany is at war with japan,korea and america

yeah

there inteligent dinosaurs

they have emp’s

did i mention that one of your kids is an angry a.d.d. kid

he hates everything and has no intention of ever moving out

also you left your credit card in a store and somebody stole it

they’v been spending money in africa for a few weeks and then left it back at your door step with no proof that anybody had it other than you

this is YOUR REAL LIFE DEREK!

DID I MENTION YOUR REAL NAME IS DEREK?

because it is!

its spealt “derek”